The magic in your eyes
by Shalini2808
Summary: Alec helps Magnus deal with the trauma of his past and Magnus finds himself falling more in love with the young shadowhunter.


"Magnus! Watch out!", she screamed.

He saw the pot-hole just in time and tiptoed around it, trying to maintain his balance. "Don't worry about me Dot", he slurred, "I'm fine."

"Oh my god!" she grabbed his arm, to keep him from falling and dragged him towards the sidewalk. He sank into the pavement his head in his hands muttering to himself.

"I'm fine. Absolutely fine, he will see me just fine."

She had seen Magnus drunk before. They used to party all the time back in their golden days. But this was different. Today he drank like there was no tomorrow, he wanted to forget all the memories of his childhood that had come back to him.

"Why Magnus? Why?" she sighed. "We have long established that the only way to get rid of pain is to deal with it, you can't escape this."

"I need to." There was sadness in his voice, the kind that can melt the coldest of hearts and soften the sternest of eyes.

"I need to forget. I can't be so broken in front of him." He looked up at Dot. "He is so pure and so innocent, he believes in the goodness of the world. I can't make him see the wounds that have tormented me since centuries, I can't show him the demon that I have been. "

"Magnus, all of this.. all of this is a part of you, your experiences are part of your existence. You cannot show him the happy part of your existence and hide from him all of this that has made you who you are. And just so you know, we all have our demons."

She sat down next to him and wanted to wipe a tear from his cheek. She restrained herself from doing so. Ever since Magnus had found Alec, he belonged to him in a way that had put a veil between him and the rest of the world. He valued his age old friendships but they now had subtle boundaries. This made her surer of the fact that only Alec could reach out to him and bring him back from the hole that he had sunk into. His childhood memories had come back to him as a side effect of recent magical services that he had rendered.

"He deserves to know because he loves you", she said.

"No." he said firmly, "All my redeeming qualities came from how I used my magical powers to service others. My magic was so much more than a mere trait of being a warlock, it was my salvation, my past, present and future and now it has opened the floodgates inside of me that I had kept locked since centuries. He does not deserve to see me like this."

Dot held his hand and they sat in silence for a long time until Magnus's eyes started drooping.

"Come let's go home." She pulled him up and put his arms around herself to support his weight.

* * *

Alec was sick with worry. He had tried everything he could to calm himself down, like talking to Jace about meaningless things, teasing Izzy about her new and terrible taste in music and playing cards with Max. Nothing could ease his mind. Magnus had told him that he had plans with an old friend in the evening and he didn't mind that. Okay fine, maybe he felt a little jealous, but it wasn't something that would usually bother him beyond an hour. What bothered him was the feeling that Magnus had been avoiding him since the last few days and it killed him to think that it may be true.

"He never shares anything with me, you know," he told Izzy not trying to hide his disappointment.

"I think it had something to do with a client he had last week. We were going to go out for lunch after his session with her but then he turned me away and has been avoiding me ever since."

"Go to his place and talk to him," said Izzy. It broke her heart to see her brother upset.

"He said he won't be in until late. And he may stay over at his friend's place for all I know."

"Alec. Go. Now."

He took her advice and used his spare key to enter Magnus' apartment. He loved the smell of this place, it was familiar and welcoming. It was only 8 o' clock and he hoped Magnus would be home soon. He spent his time reading through the books in Magnus's bookshelf. Half of these were in foreign languages, ones he had never heard of, ones he didn't understand. Wasn't that what Magnus was to him too? A foreign language that he was trying to decode. The problem was that Magnus would only translate for him what he wished to, and everything else remained foreign, protected and inaccessible.

He wondered if he would ever know the warlock well enough. He had after all centuries worth of memories and experiences, love and heartbreaks. Alec could rebel all he wanted but in the depth of his heart he feared that his love will fall short in front of Magnus's expansive past. It was a part of him, a part that Alec wasn't welcome to experience or understand.

He was beginning to wonder if he should head back home when the door clicked. He put aside his worries for the moment and started towards the door looking forward to wrap his arms around Magnus and not let go for a long time. The sight that awaited him marred the momentary spark of hope he had felt inside and robbed his handsome face of the smile that wanted to welcome his boyfriend home.

Magnus entered looking like a complete mess supported by a pretty lady who he had never seen before.

* * *

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